Introduction

As a mini-biography, an obituary is often the final tribute to a person’s life and legacy. In a perfect world, the information in an obituary is authentic and error-free. However, many obituaries fall short. One of the reasons is due to a lack of guidance as it relates to the contents. The mission of this Blog is to provide tips, tools, and techniques to help improve the quality of obituaries.

I am pleased to provide this information for non-journalists. I recognize that most of the obituaries are written by family members, friends, or the subject – not journalists or even professional writers. Nonetheless, I believe that journalists and professional writers can benefit from the information presented. This project has been a goal of mine for at least a decade. I decided to produce this Blog and other material that did not exist to the extent that readers are provided with reasonable, detailed guidance on both the format and content of an obituary. Not only will you learn about the anatomy of an obituary, but you will also learn how to work through common or debatable life events or choices, such as multiple marriages, suicide, illegitimacy, and “incestuous” relationships.

When writing obituaries, I do not decide what is right or wrong, good or bad, or even acceptable or unacceptable. Rather, I rely on the “reasonable person standard.” I believe that my practical approach to obituary writing greatly minimizes or even eliminates biases by a writer towards the life events or choices of the subject. I used it as a basis for this Blog and the incorporated illustrations. You may or may not agree in whole or in part with me; however, I ask that you please maintain an open mind. For your information, I have personally struggled with including, excluding or wording information in the obituaries of love ones. However, I had to accept that an obituary should be an authentic tribute to a subject based upon his or her life and legacy, and the contents should not be contingent upon a writer’s acceptance of certain life events or choices. Consider the following illustration for example:

After 30 years of marriage, a wife learned that her husband fathered two children with a long-term girlfriend who lived in a neighboring city. The wife did not know about her husband’s “double” life until insurance papers were mailed in error to the house they shared. The wife confronted her husband, who acknowledged his paternal connection to the two children. The insurance policy was an effort on his part to continue to care for them after his death (as he had done for his other children). He made it clear that his relationship with his girlfriend ended five years ago (as if that would ease the devastation). Indeed, his heartbroken wife decided to stay with him, since their “perfect” life included four wonderful children together. When the news spread to family members and friends, the wife was shocked to learn that many people already knew the secret.

The husband passed away ten years later just three days short of his wedding anniversary. His wife and legitimate children decided not to acknowledge the existence of the two illegitimate children in his obituary or at his memorial service. For one, they did not take the opportunity to get to know the other innocent parties, the two illegitimate children. No connection was formed. Truthfully, the children were considered hurtful reminders.

It is understandable that the wife and her children would not want to acknowledge such a hurtful situation. However, the two illegitimate children along with the four legitimate children should have been included in the husband’s obituary. It goes without saying that the ex-girlfriend should have been excluded. Ultimately, the husband’s obituary should reflect his life and legacy, which does not have to be perfect – just authentic. Additionally, his six children should list each other as either siblings or half-siblings in their respective obituaries. It is understandable if the wife decided to list only her maternal children in her obituary; although, legally speaking, the two illegitimate children are her step-children. Not wanting to acknowledge them does not change that fact.

I will make an effort to provide numerous illustrations similar to the one above to support my approach to the obituary writing process – including alive and deceased celebrities. Unless stated otherwise, the subjects in the illustrations are invented (or “fake”) characters I imagined. Their situations are common - though. Any similarities to actual people are just coincidental.

In this Blog and other material, I use the term “subject” not “deceased” to describe the person whom an obituary is focused, acknowledging the various reasons why an obituary is written today. More times than not, obituaries are written for deceased or actively dying persons. However, there is a growing trend towards people writing their own obituaries for personal growth exercises or fulfillment of academic assignments.

Finally, it is important to have an open dialogue in order to continue the effort of making a final tribute memorial. Please free feel to share with me your thoughts and experiences.